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this just might the one that started it all…

July 30, 2009

(from may 6th, 2009)

This is really hard for me…because like most, I don’t like it when things don’t exactly have a rhyme or reason to them.  Yet while I am still pondering the questions–I have created new ones that elude me as well.  So, what to do?

Now, right about now, you’re saying, “what in the world Stephanie?”

I’m rambling…but I think I am going somewhere…roll with me.

I am saying that for all my education, accomplishments and “queenly” regalia, one thing…one thing keeps me pondering and contemplating.  One thing can silence me for moments on end.  One thing can cause me to run in the opposite direction…

Am I alone?

Lauryn Hill said it best, “it could all be so simple, but you’d rather make it hard.” It’s the truth.  What I want? Simple.  What I feel? Simple. How to say all that to someone that it could matter to? HARD!

I am finally going to confessed it all right here…I may have no other choice than to go out on a limb…but then what?  The one thing that has me even pondering the limb is–you guessed it–emotions, feelings, all that crap!

I am not the only person that is facing this dilemma.  While our limbs may be different, the fears are one in the same.  The questions of: Will it matter? Is it too much? Too soon? Did I make the right decision? Am I being selfish? Should I wait? All of those are rather well-known to us limb walkers.  But don’t pat yourself on the back just yet.

While I find it easier to go out on a limb for a business deal that has to work out, or even for the youth program that keeps me excited,  its much harder to step out on a limb for these feelings that I’ve had for years, and for the sake of ending the never-ending questions of life.

Let’s examine this limb, shall we?

While a limb may be small, sometimes weak, and definitely unsteady, its not all by itself.  The great thing about a limb, is that it is usually attached to something strong, and that “strong thing” has roots–it’s steady.  For example, while I have to go out on a limb to find out that you may or may not love me back;  I am still an awesome individual (that’s the strong thing).  Hmmmmmm…You may not be able to help me (limb); but there may be others who can (strong thing). Get the picture? (I do.)

This limb thing isn’t really so bad, now that I think about it.  Maybe I’ll go out on one again…real soon.

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