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this just might the one that started it all…

July 30, 2009

(from may 6th, 2009)

This is really hard for me…because like most, I don’t like it when things don’t exactly have a rhyme or reason to them.  Yet while I am still pondering the questions–I have created new ones that elude me as well.  So, what to do?

Now, right about now, you’re saying, “what in the world Stephanie?”

I’m rambling…but I think I am going somewhere…roll with me.

I am saying that for all my education, accomplishments and “queenly” regalia, one thing…one thing keeps me pondering and contemplating.  One thing can silence me for moments on end.  One thing can cause me to run in the opposite direction…

Am I alone?

Lauryn Hill said it best, “it could all be so simple, but you’d rather make it hard.” It’s the truth.  What I want? Simple.  What I feel? Simple. How to say all that to someone that it could matter to? HARD!

I am finally going to confessed it all right here…I may have no other choice than to go out on a limb…but then what?  The one thing that has me even pondering the limb is–you guessed it–emotions, feelings, all that crap!

I am not the only person that is facing this dilemma.  While our limbs may be different, the fears are one in the same.  The questions of: Will it matter? Is it too much? Too soon? Did I make the right decision? Am I being selfish? Should I wait? All of those are rather well-known to us limb walkers.  But don’t pat yourself on the back just yet.

While I find it easier to go out on a limb for a business deal that has to work out, or even for the youth program that keeps me excited,  its much harder to step out on a limb for these feelings that I’ve had for years, and for the sake of ending the never-ending questions of life.

Let’s examine this limb, shall we?

While a limb may be small, sometimes weak, and definitely unsteady, its not all by itself.  The great thing about a limb, is that it is usually attached to something strong, and that “strong thing” has roots–it’s steady.  For example, while I have to go out on a limb to find out that you may or may not love me back;  I am still an awesome individual (that’s the strong thing).  Hmmmmmm…You may not be able to help me (limb); but there may be others who can (strong thing). Get the picture? (I do.)

This limb thing isn’t really so bad, now that I think about it.  Maybe I’ll go out on one again…real soon.


today’s score

July 28, 2009

why the score, huh? well,  because i am sitting here hoping that the good girls have been victorious. 

too many times, the good girls are left on the sidelines, while boi after boi choose the obviously not-so-good ones.  truly it is to each his own, but i am appauled as to why anyone would choose a girl who obviously has put herself out their as a “those.”  again, exactly why have y’all turned those into housewives, or even considered “wife-ing” them. 

helloooooooo! she leaked…um…got caught (we’ll just say) on video with her dude, and spends most of her time naked or on her back– for money.  and then we won’t even talk about the one who used to be in a menage a trois…make that menage a FOUR with hugh hefner (well at least not today).

are you confused?  you need a hint, huh?

alright… starts with a k!

i am excited as a watch the coverage of  kim k’s and reggie bush’s sad, sad break-up. could it be?  could reggie actually have come to his senses and saw that the playboy modeling, dim-witted, lackluster “business woman” was just not worthy of the name “mrs. bush?” could it be that he figured out that after 2 years of having this arm candy (not art gallery candy) planted by his side (at least when she wasn’t with the Pussycat Dolls, or kicking it at VelaShape) that he did a few calculations and decided this woman is ill-equipped to be anything more than a trophy or trinket.

oooh! that might have been harsh. but, if so…bravo! if not…i guess i will be writing a part two.

while i mentioned her earlier, i’ll reserve my true thoughts on kendra for later–because that too, is mind-boggling.

but in all seriousness, what is the problem here? i could care less about reggie bush, but what he represents is an epidemic of young men choosing what glitters over what’s gold. truly my brothers are not deluded enough to think that these..or let me say “those,” are the types of women that they need by their side.  do you honestly think that she’s with you to be a partner in your dreams? when she’s not on rodeo drive (or it could even be wal-mart),  does she have a life–or is she just waiting on you. the better question is, if you weren”t who you are (athlete, successful businessman, real estate developer; millionaire), would she still LOVE you so much, or better yet, if you lost it all, would she still be there?

once again, i have to extol the virtues of the good girl who looks fabulous and has her own. and, here’s what’s crazy, she even wants to be down with you.  she wants to be the shoulder you lean on, and the one that understands…this is not a game for her.  but time after time you push her to the backburner and grab you a hot chick.  the reality is, the good girl is just as hot, but you’re a bit intimidated by someone who can call you out and be sincere…i understand, it’s extremely scary to find someone who cares enough about you to back you up, but also cares enough to keep it real.

it’s okay, boo, i understand…NOW PLEASE GET OVER YOURSELF! (yes, i am yelling!)

but until you do…i guess i am here to keep score! goodgirls…1 “those…”0

let’s be clear…even though i’m keeping score, deep down, i know it’s not a game.

now…say it with me…good girls need love too!

good girl getting real: 1/2

July 26, 2009

i am one-half of an amazing, life-impacting and world-changing duo powered by vision and passion.  we love not only what we do, but have developed the epitome of respect, friendship and passion for each other (and not in that order).

i am what i am because he’s strong enough to allow me to be that, and in return, i take care of “mine.”

it’s not perfect, but its perfected enough for me.

i have worked hard to be someone “He” can be proud of, and that’s makes it easy for him–or it should.

ahhhhhhh! that feels a little better.

so…now what?

for now…i’m just waiting for the “whole” story to unfold…

that doggie in the window

July 26, 2009

Ahhhhhhhhhh…aren’t they cute? 

Of course, they are– crawling over each other, making the cutest faces, licking a hand or two–just hoping that someone will think they are the new puppy for them.  Hoping with great fervor that you would choose me and take me to the White House (LOL!) or any house, just so I am leave this pack of chipper, yet hopeful contenders and arrive at a place that’s all mine.


I recently had a conversation with a new friend of mine about a man.  She had been totally dismantled by the perception that a “suitor” (and I use the term loosely) had given her about his presence in her life.  He led her to think that he was “the one” and that they would be together “forever.”  We now know that he was “the one” to cause her alot of grief and “forever” would last as long as she allowed herself to be subdued by him. 

Now, she has to retreat back to the box with the rest of us unweds (so to speak), once again to begin the personal PR campaign that landed her with her last “Master.”

Sound like a doggie in the window,  I thought.

Honestly, most unwed women have been like that  doggie.  Hopping around in a group of other options (other women) unbeknownst, or sometimes even known, to them, making cute faces (outfits, makeup and other enhancements), licking a hand or two (fill in the blank), hoping that you (the man I’ve been waiting for) would choose me, and only me…forever and ever…Amen.

Ummm, there’s only one problem…I AM NOT A DOG!

I recently liberated myself from needing to show someone how awesome I am, and I become contagious to my girlfriends with such power.  I am recently deemed them “quit-ers” actually its QIT-ers (Queens in Training*) and have encouraged them to be the beautiful, dynamic, and powerful queens that they are and in doing so alleviating themselves from being the doggie in the window.  I have come to the conclusion that ”his” failure to choose me is not my failure…it’s his loss and my win!  I refuse to convince you of my beauty or of my worth.

Regardless of what happens…I am still a queen! Check the crown, baby!

Nano-Lesson: Leave the “mutt” ado about nothing behind…

definition of a good girl

July 24, 2009

i thought that i better write this before some people get all up in arms defining what is good and not-so good in this world!

what’s a good girl? 

well, for the purpose of what i am talking about and the purpose of this blog, i have to say that a good girl is one who is trying to do the right thing, while projecting an image of confidence in herself.  sorry, no little house on the prairie dress-wearing, asocial homebodies here…the good girls i am talking about are fabulous individuals, who are spiritually fit, emotionally stable and, usually–unless i just came from kickboxing–fabulously dressed.

and…yet, we continue to be denounced by some of our peers and disregarded by the men in our lives who choose to admire us like a faberge egg.  in fact, i recently told a great friend of mine (j.w.) that i am art gallery candy (as opposed to being arm candy).  what’s art gallery candy, you ask…

it’s beautiful (and possibly interesting) to look at, but no one is trying to pay those kinds of prices! LOL!

gee, stephanie, modest much?  i’m just being honest.  unlike the scantily-clad chick who is willing to do anything and everything to please everyman…this good girl is bit more discerning, and to add to that, there’s a quite a few things that i am not willing to do, or even discuss.

good girls are not trophies…we are rewards.  if you desire arm candy, then the good girl as defined here is probably not for you.  you’ll probably need a bebe t-shirt wearing, faux blonde or bad weave, plastic surgery and exhibitionism addict that shops at forever 21, although she’s waaaaaaaay older than that! (sorry…just being honest about what i see).  what i am trying to say that, at the end of the day, you get what you pay for.  if everything came easy, then its probably not real, or built to last. 

guys (bad or otherwise), you’ve got to get to the point where you get past what it looks like.  after all, if she put it all out there for you, don’t think that you’re special.  she does that all the time.  in the meanwhile, you are missing out on the “girls” that are sincere about being your friend, your partner, your confidant, and maybe even Mrs.Freakum Dress (note the Mrs. ;D) because you are preoccupied with Ms.Shake-What-You-Got-in-those-Jeans.  There was a time when you didn’t turn THOSE into housewives…but you’re doing it now, and wondering why she got half and how you got here.

if you are looking for something real and someone real to share it with, you might want to give the good girl in your life a chance, and stop being scared that she is actually on your level and may have something (gasp!) genuine to offer.

i can’t say it enough…good girls need love, too…



ms. goodi-goodi

i think i just got mad!

July 22, 2009

there is a part in bad boys II where wil smith and martin lawrence are chasing the jamaicans who are chasing gabrielle union. martin, now on a peaceful path, is trying his best to shoot tires and to avoid killing people (like they used to).  wil smith eventually grows weary of martin’s failure to stop the madness that is escalating on the freeway, and turns his Ferrari 360 degrees to spray the individuals causing the problem with about thousand bullets as he exclaims, “i think i just got mad!”

i can relate.

see,  i have been sitting by watching as people decide what is right and cool for me. i have waited patiently for some to recognize exactly who i am, and i have grown weary of those who just don’t seem to get it!

now that i am thoroughly mad, it’s time to let it be known,  that the way i live my life and the things that i choose not to do, doesn’t make me a social pariah, a weirdo, or someone that needs to be cajoled into doing something else.  it also doesn’t make me boring, asocial or worthy of solitary confinement.

we will get into the details later…but bottom line…good (and now really mad)  girls need love too!